Calvin Harris, we still love you! Come forward!

Calvin Harris @ Dour Festival 2010 by bourgol via Flickr

I’m a giant fucking fan of Calvin Harris

Have you ever heard Calvin Harris‘ “Stars Come Out”?

IT’S PURE SUGAR TITS

Look, for the most part the Calvinator has been a hero to aspiring DJ’s everywhere: He managed to look CLEAN, he pursued the art of being a GENTLEMAN and had his CHUNKY CHEWY FUNK on lockdown. Even his sporadic singles throughout 2010 could make an angel’s nipples harden.


Then Everything Changed, 2011 arrived, and Calvin Harris Became Evil

Calvin Harris at the Eurockéennes 2008

What are you doing Calvin? (credit: Wikipedia)

I don’t know what’s going on honestly. Whether it’s the folks back in Jolly Ol’ Angle-land with their shitty obsession with Dubstep, the whips of his record company or personal preference, something transformed (or died) in Calvin Harris.

Things went depresso (techno house?) and he started hanging out with Steve Aoki, opening up shows for that Asian bro who seriously needs to get punched in the face and be given a goddamn shave.

No one fucking likes your ‘do — stop it, please, for the children. Free world doe.

It doesn’t make sense.

Calvin: I know you gots DAT FUNK. You understand the power and necessity of bass-lines, please stop this :< :< :'<

I won’t even begin about that LMFAO thing.


I have a theory on why Calvin Harris changed so much

Tiesto

This. . . bro (credit: nestland via Flickr)

As an old lady I saw on TV once said: The proof is in the pudding.

And pudding, is Tiesto.

A month ago, some 50-year-old lady played Tiesto’s “Blessed”* on the jukebox at my local bar (I think).

Being drunk (I think), I thought it kind of reminded me of a song that came out years before called “I’m Not Alone” by Calvin Harris:


*If you’re looking for the Tiesto song to compare, fuck that, you’re wasting your time.

Anyways, I can only see Calvin’s most recent release aka “Awooga” as case of getting DAT QUID. See, Tiesto’s shit is basic, but I’m sure he makes a hefty amount of cash wherever he goes.

Seeing a need for making the green–or just not giving a fuck–Calvin decided that if shit-face Tiesto can do it with his crap, he can do just the same.


But Calvin Harris has the funk within him

I’m not offended about how far he dropped his fanbase.

I’m sure eventually the funk will burst out again, no one can do it like Señor Harris.

For now, all I can say is: Miss you :< :< and never open for Aoki ever again.

You’re better than that.


We love you Calvin Harris!

Calvin Harris feature photo credit: bourgol via Flickr

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